writing

Codependent

Your disposition cycles like the abiding moon
I am the powerless tides you pull
They condemn it as codependency, but who am I to deny this force
My strength does not rival the ocean, and even she submits
Moods intertwined like passionate bodies
Or barbed wire
Your tenacious grasp decides for me 

Feel love, and I will revel it it, blooming under your allowing hand
Feel hate, I will be entombed in it, gagging on the bitter dirt

Do you comprehend the blows you are capable of dealing? 
Do you recognize the elation you have the power to grant? 
I follow closely behind like an adoring child 
Yearning for your satisfaction
Vying with your discontent 
A merciless journey I am unable to withdraw from 
An endless feud that refuses to cease

Disassociation

She was trapped deep in a 
dream 
Where it's common to have perception
break 
So easy when no one's quite like
they seem 

Everything is here that you could ever deem
imaginable; anything your brain can 
make
It's all trapped deep in a 
dream

How could a dreamer adopt a child's
beam 
Once aware that reality could be
fake 
So hard when no one's quite like
they seem 

Sometimes human desires can fall into
a theme
Where the vibrancy of fantasy makes it hard to be awake 
It’s favorable to be to be trapped deep in
a dream 

Do you ever wonder if our world is just a scheme,
Used to see what we have and what they can take? 
So easy when no one's quite like 
they seem 

Staying in a trance can blow off
steam 
When the fear of it all causes you to quake
Help me stay trapped deep in a
dream
So hard when no one's quite like 
they seem

Guilt

The heat that it comes bearing,
swelling inside to unbearable lengths
Pushing its tendrils throughout my unwilling frame
Insufferable and ever-present,
lingering long past it’s welcome 

It comes in waves, lead by an errant memory, or the mere thought of action
Violent surges of introspective punishment, 
unyielding to reason or promise
Guilt courses through my veins thicker than blood ever has
Deserved or not, it’s unrelenting 
A homegrown prison that cages me faithfully, until the end

Quiet

Quiet mornings like these
My sickly sweet coffee, your clumsy bathroom rustlings
These intermittent periods of transition 
Quite often more pleasant than the destination 
I wish we could remain here in time, but would it still be so sweet?

Do we enjoy the peace in this moment, or just the break in between stops?
I believe I could live in this forever 
Remain just as enamored
But we are bred to believe joy does not come without suffering
So I will hurry through the dull day
Hurry to get back to you 
Looking forward to the next quiet transition 
And pray for more as the years trudge on

Choke

I hope you choke on these words when you see me 
because I'm still choking on regret,
but I don't think you'd disagree 
if I said I'm still glad we met.

Because I'm still choking on regret,
I can't stop imagining what could've been (does he?) 
If I said I'm still glad we met,
would it sound like an admission or a plea? 

I can't stop imagining what could've been (does he?) 
I'm afraid you're someone my heart can't forget 
Would it sound like an admission or a plea
if I said I'm not ready for you to leave yet

We happened at the wrong time, I wish we could press reset
and I don't think you'd disagree; 
"We'd be together if I didn't go after her, I bet..." 
I hope you choke on these words when you see me.

Saturation

Saturation assuredly fades with time 
As the sun infallibly concedes to the moon
We can't expect to break these rules
Set in stone
Although some days it sure feels like we might 

My cheeks no longer boil 
The butterflies I house are now comfortable in your company
My soul has grown accustomed to your light 
We're set in stone
The fire might not be as bright
But it's still burning strong

Saturation assuredly fades with time 
We can't remain blazing suns in each others sky forever
I can adore the soft stars equally anyhow
And I'm thinking pastel is just as dazzling as the neon we once were
Let us fade together

Empty Oaths

Your flagrant traitor’s tongue weaves webs of lies,
that my naivety does not detect
Aware that your compassion is a guise,
we have no relationship to protect
I fear staying here would be my demise 

Stop making promises that you can’t keep;
It only heightens my disappointment 
and we all know that talk really is cheap 

So now my family’s going downhill
despite this being clear, she won’t relent 
This never ending cycle makes me ill 

Although everything seems alright today, 
there will be more lies she tries to instill 
and even when she says she’ll leave, she’ll stay. 

Slipped Up

Names stumble off my tongue like misfired gunshots,
Forgetting our shared reticence for just a moment
The unease pools in my stomach like hot venom 
Eyes shifting, evading acknowledgment, overlooking the disquiet
Ignorance is feigned 
Your smile doesn’t reach your eyes, for now
It’ll slip your mind sooner or later
Your mind, my lips 
At least we’re consistent